Grind Over Europe tour diarrhea, I mean diary

Tour diary 2012 Part I...

Exhumed has never been a band to shy away from playing live, and since we've been back in action last year, that has held more truly than ever. Since the release of “All Guts, No Glory” last summer, we've played 150 shows, not to mention 12 before the record came out. We've done 75 so far this year, starting with a one-off gig in Los Angeles for the Relapse / Scion showcase, and then embarking on European, UK, American, and Canadian tours straight after. Oh, and we actually ended up canceling 5 shows in Brazil due to problems getting our visas. So 2012 has been pretty damn busy.

Starting off with the Scion show in LA, Relapse stacked a very mixed bill, featuring their new signings Royal Thunder, a gloomy southern doom rock unit with a frontwoman with pipes of steel. Their EP was great, but unfortunately I was really busy catching up with friends and didn't really get to see much of their set. Revocation was next, a tech death / thrash band with chops to spare. They are brutal road-dogs and played a sphincter-tight set. Black Tusk was next, kind of a sludgy Southern-fried Stoner doom act. Their music is great, and they are seriously fun guys to party with. It was a bit of a weird crowd that day, as our fans and Revocation's had a lot of common ground, but Black Tusk and Royal Thunder were maybe not to the taste of a bunch of death / thrash / grind kids waiting to punch each other on a Saturday afternoon. By the time Black Tusk was wrapping up, kids started chanting “Exh-umed, Exh-umed, etc.” between their songs, which was rude, but definitely flattering. We are a band that never does one-off gigs, so I'm always a little nervous about playing cold- I like to rehearse for a week and then start playing a bunch of shows in a row. I never feel like we really hit our stride until about four shows in. We had a good friend of ours behind the sound board, Alejandro from Nausea, Dia De Los Muertos, etc. and also, not coincidentally our rep at Fernandes guitars (yes, that is a plug!), so the sound was killer onstage and the energy from the crowd was definitely there. Until security started clamping down, we had lots of stagedivers, which helps me have a good time for sure. It was weird playing at five in the afternoon or whatever time it was, but it was kind of nice to get the show done early. After defusing any post-show compliments with a myriad of reasons why I thought we sucked, I went back later and saw some of the show on youtube, and it was actually pretty good. At any rate, we headed back to our uncharacteristically swanky hotel down the street, the Grafton (thanks Scion!) and showered and changed before heading for the after party at a bar whose name completely escapes me at this point. It's always good to see our friends from Relapse, since we aren't often in Philly, and they're virtually never in California. The party continued until about 5am when I finally caved in and crept off to catch some z's and wait for the inevitable hangover to descend.

I Rot Within / Death Knell / Limb From Limb at the Roxy in LA 

We had already been denied visas by the Brazilian consulate at this point, who warned me that if I applied for the wrong visa again, I would be banned from Brazil for ten years. Needless to say our experience at the consulate was less than enjoyable. We used the unexpected week off to get a bunch of shit done, though – like buying a van, which was huge. So Mike (Hamilton, our peerless percussionist) and I were very busy while Rob (Babcock, bass and vocals) and Wes (Caley, guitar and vocals) presumably were drinking pina coladas and eating bon bons in the comfort of Southern California. At any rate, the time quickly came to hop on our flight to Spain to undertake the first proper leg of our 2012 tour cycle – a run of headlining dates with Rotten Sound and Magrudergrind appropriately titled “Grind Over Europe”.

In the 90s, there had been two “Grind Over Europe” tours, the first featuring our friends in Haemorrhage, Dead Infection, and CSSO, and the 2nd featuring Hemdale, German grinders Nyctophobic, and (surprise!) Exhumed! I had always thought those lineups were classic and last year hatched the idea to do something similar. We couldn't have asked for a more brutal, in-your-face package. Magrudergrind specialize in one-to-two-minute bash-a-thons of unbridled fury with a decidedly punk edge, our label-mates from Finland, Rotten Sound generate a Swedish Death-Metal infused racket that has earned them the reputation of being one of Europe's most intense Grind bands. Usually when we tour with Metal / Death Metal bands, we feel like the odd men out, being the only band with punk influences, but on this tour, I felt like the other bands pretty much made us sound like Dokken! Mind you, I do love Dokken, so that wasn't so terrible, but it was interesting being the “least punk” band on a tour for once! We were greeted at the airport by the same driver we had on the last European tour, a delightful Czech gentleman named Mikael Svindelka. He's a great driver, has killer taste in music, takes us sightseeing when possible, and puts up with our foolishness, farts, and slovenliness. He actually was recommended to us by Land Phil of Municipal Waste / Cannabis Corpse – thanks dude!

Anyhoo... Our first night in Barcelona was insane. I was beyond jet-lagged, had already lost my iPod on a connecting flight we barely made due to airline delays, and we of course got trashed the minute we hit the club. We arrived the same day as the first show, so there was no time to adjust to the time change, get acclimated or anything like that. We managed to make time for beer, though. The schedule was so tight because we originally were allowing time for the Brazilian dates (which you'll remember were canceled if you've been following along), but the result was that we arrived mere hours before our set. We were thrown straight to the wolves. The energy in the room was great though, and the first show went really well – much better than most of our European shows last year, which was a relief. The next day in Almeria, the madness continued with a trip to the local metal bar (yes, my American friends, those are a thing in Europe) after the show ending in more alcohol-fueled stupidity on our parts. Seville was more of the same.

Distorted and Twisted To Form in Barcelona

I think by the time we reached Portugal, I was finally starting to get adjusted to being on tour (though the time change still hadn't quite set in yet). I remember curtailing the intensity of the partying a bit in Lisbon, getting it back down to somewhat manageable levels. The sound guy in there told us his favorite band was W.A.S.P., so we treated him to a partial rendition of “Wild Child” during our soundcheck which usually either makes people want to hug us... or vomit. The venue was tiny and right on the water, and the promoter was one of the nicest guys you could ever meet. He insisted on having us try some local seafood (it was delicious) and the backstage was full of all kinds of local delicacies and crazy appetizers. The next day we played in Porto, another city right on the water (I guess all of Portugal is pretty close to the water if you get down to it) where Rob and I managed to get out and explore a bit and take some nice photographs of the local scenery. Either that night or the following one in Santander, we raged extra hard in the hotel room and Keijo from Rotten Sound ended up taping a hotel telephone to his head. Finns are dangerous with their gin and bubble water! 

Kristian from Rotten Sound knows how to party.

Rob and Keijo are still working on it, however...

For some reason, every time we've come to Europe since last year, we've only done one show in France. And it is invariably a good show. Last year our show in Strausbourg with Cephalic Carnage was the best show of the tour. This show, in Toulouse was also killer. It was at a youth center type place, but judging by the posters there, they have tons of hardcore shows there. The food was great (French food is delicious – best bread and wine ever!) and the show was too. The jet lag was still killing me, though. I was actually caught taking a nap in the balcony / backstage area during rotten sound's set. We ended up having two shows in Switzerland, which was weird. Swiss people are... how do I say this? Generally pretty reserved. The whole country is clean and beautiful, but very sterile. The audience the first night however, was the exception that proves the rule. The show was in a town called Sursee, and was noteworthy for a few reasons. Firstly, it was a good show in Switzerland, secondly we hung out with a bunch of American Air Force folks who were nice enough to bring us some Cool Ranch Doritos and Double Stuff Oreos, and thirdly, a very nice young lady asked us if we could help her propose to her beau during “The Matter Of Splatter”. I'm a sucker for a good ol' fashioned happy ending, so I brought the guy onstage and called him out on being with his girl for eight years and not proposing yet. Needless to say, they left the show engaged. We don't just melt faces, we melt hearts as well. We managed to do some sightseeing the next day in Martigny at a nearby medieval fortress which was cool, and our hotel was really swanky, so a good time was had by all, probably even the very polite and typically Swiss audience. From Switzerland, we headed South to Italy for a show in Milan. Last year, Rome had been one of the highlights of our tour, Milan was a different story. The show was in a weird club in the middle of an industrial area, and the vibe just wasn't all that happening that night. It was good to catch up with old friends from Brainwash and Cripple Bastards though.

After Italy, we were heading into the home stretch, Eastern Europe. There's something about Grindcore and Eastern Europe that just goes together like beer and pizza, peanut butter and chocolate, sex and violence, cocaine and... well, you get the picture. We hit Zagreb in Croatia first, and despite a considerable amount of difficulty finding the venue, not the least of which was due to Croatian customs officials, we finally arrived, to find a huge spread of delicious food and excellent beer, followed by a packed house of maniacs to play to. We hadn't played in Croatia for years and years, and it had obviously been way too long. Feeling good, we headed to play our first show in Hungary. Budapest was a truly gorgeous city, incredibly cheap, and full of extremely beautiful women. I would move there in a heartbeat. The show was excellent, actually sold-out even, and the energy in the room was awesome. Unfortunately, the promoter turned out to be kind of a shitbag, and some confusion over getting paid in Euros vs. Hungarian Forints (that are worth pennies on the dollar) led to an alcohol-exacerbated shouting match between pretty much everybody and a lot of confusion. The next day, we got out into the city for a bit of sightseeing, which was cool. When the dust settled, we realized that we had been shorted about $150 from our guarantee, which was a bummer. Originally, we were scheduled to play in Romania, but the show ended up getting canceled and we added a door deal show at a local metal bar in Vienna at the last minute. In only a week and a half, the promoter managed to get over 100 people in the door, and we had a great time. That show was more like a party than anything, and everyone relaxed a little and as usual, drank way too much. The next day was further east, in Slovakia.

Decrepit Crescendo in Budapest

I always get Slovakia and Slovenia confused, but we had played Slovenia in '11 with Cephalic Carnage, which was one of the better shows of that run. Slovakia ended up being killer as well. Like I said, Eastern Europe, man! The last two dates of this leg were in the Czech Republic, which has always been one of our strongholds. The Prague show was packed, and locals Gride were awesome. The last show was in Ostrava, which still has the total Eastern bloc vibe going on. Boxy Soviet-era apartment complexes are everywhere, and there is a lot of urban decay. Regardless, the show was near capacity and fully raging. At one point there were so many stagedivers during our set, there was an actual dogpile on the stage. I caught up with friends from Malignant Tumor, and Wes discovered one of his new favorite bands: Nuclear Vomit. Shots were gulped, beers were downed, and it was bro-hugs all around as the Rotten Sound dudes departed for an early flight from Prague to Helsinki the next morning. That night, the Magrudergrind lads and us were literally the only occupants of an extremely Soviet, extremely 70's hotel replete with faux wood paneling, bizarre light fixtures and long-empty conference and banquet halls. It actually might have been kind of spooky, if you're into that sort of thing. We spent our last night together listening to old-school hip-hop and getting toasted. We piled in the Magrudergrind van to catch a ride to the small village where our old friend Curby of Obscene Productions lives. After bidding the Magruder duders a fond farewell, we had five days off to kill.

 

Casketkrusher / The Matter Of Splatter in Ostrava, Czech Republic 

We spent a couple days at Curby's house with his longtime girlfriend and their three kids. It was nice to relax, bathe regularly, eat vegan food (Curby is a militant vegan, and serves only vegan food at his awesome Obscene Extreme festival every year in Trutnov – not coincidentally, we were booked to play this summer), and just sit and watch tv, even if it was in Czech. After a couple of days of vegging out, we headed to Pardubice, to hit the Pilsner Urquell pub and watch the local football (aka: soccer) and hockey matches. The next day it was off to Cesky Krumlov to see one of the fanciest castles in the country and visit my old friend Vlakin from Czech grinders Ingrowing. We hit the Budweiser (here they call it Chechvar beer due to copyright restrictions) brew restaurant and had a great time bar-hopping. The bartender at the Singer Pub in town was actually a huge Exhumed fan, and hooked us up with free drinks and a bunch of t-shirts for the pub, which was awesome! Finally we headed to Prague for a day of tourism before we flew out to Helsinki. Curby was an excellent host / tour guide, and we headed for Scandinavia well-rested and ready for some northern comfort.


There was a lot of this occuring during our time off in the Czech Republic



Hanging with the kids at Curby's!

We had only played a festival in Northern Finland previously, so we really didn't know what to expect for the Helsinki show. The venue, Virgin Oil Co. was extremely nice, great stage, helpful staff, excellent food menu, and pretty big. I always get worried playing someplace for the first time when it's a nice club and pretty big – the opportunity for failure in that scenario is huge. This time however, everything worked out great. The openers, Cannibal Accident and Torture Killer were both good dudes and good bands, and the place was filled out quite nicely. We had a great time, and it was strangely kind of nice to be playing shows again – having a few days off was actually a bit weird. The following day, we left our very nice hotel and headed out into the mid-March Finnish cold to get on yet another plane – this time to London Heathrow.

If ever there was a clusterfuck of an airport, it would have to be Heathrow. Luckily, getting in actually wasn't too bad, after having our work permits cleared by customs. We had the night off and grabbed our bags and gear (we didn't hire the van and driver until the next day to save a couple bucks) and headed to airport Ibis hotel, which was a bit nicer than we had expected. England is great, but it's fucking expensive, even worse than the rest of Europe, especially since the pound is stronger than the euro, which is stronger than the dollar. The next day we were picked up by the affable Mat Hocking, who had been our driver last year when we did a couple festivals and a handful of shows with Atheist. In fact, Mat actually met his girlfriend on our tour in Paris. Between that, the Swiss marriage proposal, and the other marriage proposal during our show in Rochester last year, it's safe to say that Exhumed is a band that helps everyone except ourselves in the romance department.

This would be our first time playing in most of the cities on the UK leg of the tour, but Britain is such a small country, the drives were mercifully short compared even to our Europe dates. We kicked it off in Bristol, where we met up with the Anaal Nathrakh guys, who were doing the four shows in England with us. For whatever reason, they wouldn't be accompanying us to Ireland for our two dates there. Bristol was a fun gig, and the local openers were a great grind band called Merciless Precision that played with us the following night in Cardiff (in Wales). The Cardiff show wasn't quite as good as Bristol, I'm sure the fact that it was on a Monday didn't do us any favors, but it was still a good time and the vibe was there. After the gig, we were on the road that night to catch the ferry to Ireland.

Having never been to Ireland, I was a little underwhelmed by just how... British it was. I was also surprised to not see redheads everywhere. But what can you do? At least people did have those charmingly indecipherable Irish brogue accents there. Belfast was a lot of fun, and we even had time to do some sightseeing the next day, including downtown and a lot of the area where the IRA violence took place back in the 80s. Unlikely as it sounds, we actually grabbed a burrito for lunch before heading to Dublin that wasn't half bad. As soon as we hit the club in Dublin and loaded in, we took off to see the statue of Thin Lizzy bassist Phil Lynott, which was about a fifteen minute walk away. We hit the pub where the statue was and had a few beers before heading back for the show. The show was okay, nothing spectacular, but we had a good time partying at the bar with the kids before driving for another early boat ride back to Britain. We met up with the AN boys again in Manchester for a good show, and our second to last before heading back to the good ol' US of A. The run ended on a high note in London, with a tightly packed room of maniacs having a what Mick Harris would have undoubtedly described as a “Total Holocaust Doss”. Unfortunately, our flight left early the next morning and we were unable to party in London on Saturday night... Weak. At any rate, we boarded our flight after some excessive baggage fees courtesy of the assholes at Air France and headed home for four days off before starting our “Bowels Of Goreporate America” run.

Vacant Grave in London

I'm doing the best I can to simultaneously write the new album (five songs in the can, thank you!), design T-shirts for our upcoming tours (Summer Slaughter + more TBA very soon) update this blog, read some books, have some sort of social / family life, etc. so please be patient. Cannibal Corpse / Black Dahlia tour anecdotes coming very soon. Oh yeah, and you may have heard I filled in for five shows on the Death To All Chuck Schuldiner / Death tribute tour in my spare time. So lots to cover. And recover from. To be continued very soon. 

Exhumed in Europe Spring 2011

Exhumed in Europe 2011 Part the firste

Idiots abroad

– or –

How I spent my Spring Break

Let me get this out of the way first. Logistically, Exhumed is a mess. A lumbering, clumsy clusterfuck of a band. We have no rehearsal space, are missing significant pieces of key gear (although this is being remedied as I type this), live in different cities, and never seem to have the basic elements of being a band down. That said, we have a killer new album under our belts, a great record label behind us, rad booking agents on both sides of the Atlantic, and years of experience at pulling victory out of our asses at the last minute. And so it remains in 2011.

On the morning of our flights to Oslo, we forgot the following: 1 entire T-shirt design; our backdrop; all of Danny's clothes and drum hardware; my bullet belt; and a brand-spanking new severed head to drink blood out of at the end of the show. Wes was the only person that didn't forget anything, but he also had all of his clothes in a grocery bag. Oh, did I mention that we barely made the flight? Hopefully none of the wonderful people that I mentioned above (record label, agents, etc.) are reading this blog, as I really don't mean to erode any (very probably misplaced) confidence they may have in us, but I have to tell it like it is. The important thing is this: we made the flight to Norway – we played the shows, we lived to tell, or rather to blog, the tale.

Luckily, we flew KLM to Amsterdam, which means that they don't charge you for booze. Wes and I enjoyed several Johnnie Walkers that made the morning's rough start a lot easier to take. I also got to see “The Fighter”, which was a killer movie. We hit Amsterdam without incident, hit the bar, and then made our way to Norway. Of course, when we collected our luggage, my guitar was conspicuously absent... That was a bit disquieting. After hassling with the attendant paperwork that one must endure when one's luggage is lost, we met the very amiable tech-death metal legend Kelly from Atheist and headed to the hotel.

We were greeted by an extremely polite dude who was listening to a great mix CD w/David Allan Coe, Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, and other country classics, which was a very good omen. The hotel was a bit surreal, as it was a pretty nice hotel (2.5 stars at least) that had been taken over by the Inferno Festival. All the TV screens showed ads for metal vendors at the fest or new releases from Norwegian metal labels. Motorhead played over the PA as we checked in. Fucking weird. There were heshers everywhere, and a lot of goth-looking clothes going on which was a bit strange as well. We had planned to get guitar strings and a few other essentials after landing as we ran out of time to do so before leaving, but we were informed that everything was closed for Easter – all weekend. After dumping our luggage, we headed to the venue to get our wristbands, passes, and most importantly... drink tickets!

It felt a little weird for our first show back to be in a place where we didn't really know anyone, and we just kind of hung out at the rooftop open-air (the weather was great) bar by ourselves for the first hour or so and felt a little goofy. That problem was soon solved, as we were joined by an old friend, Christine, and quickly ended up hanging out with a bunch of people, including Bard Eithun (ex-Emperor) who was a really nice, down to earth dude. Soon we were several drinks in and making friends left and right. I had a very solid buzz and took in a killer set from Aura Noir and then headed downstairs to check out one of my all-time favorite bands, Voivod. They took the stage and just crushed the place. I immediately headed upstairs to see some old Bay Area heroes of mine, Forbidden, who were also excellent, then headed back to the hotel drunk and feeling no pain.

Danny and Leon hit the sack and Wes and I headed to the bar to cajole drinks out of anyone foolish enough to befriend us. We ended up drinking Satyr's brand of red wine (yeah, the dude from Satyricon has his own wine which was served at the fest... whoa.) with Christine, Craig and Steve from Forbidden, and a few other people until about 5am. Craig graciously offered me use of his guitar the next day, which was really, really nice of him. Especially considering that in 1989 I was a 13 year old who used to headbang to “Forbidden Evil” in my bedroom all the time! We also got a lot of advice on how to get my guitar back from the airline, how to pick up Norwegian chicks, and a lot of other seemingly pertinent information which I forgot immediately after leaving the bar.

The next day... headaches, beer shits, and worst of all, the realization that we a) had no money, and b) were out of drink tickets set in. But we always find a way, right? We didn't play until 12:30am that night (immediately after Immortal's set – what a great slot, huh?!?) so the challenge we put to ourselves was to stay sober until about 10pm anyway. Wes set about re-tuning Craig's guitar from Eb to B, I got our merchandise going, and just when we had to go down to the desk to borrow a screwdriver or something, Wes and Danny keenly noticed my guitar sitting there! Sweet relief! We headed over to the club for soundcheck, and things seemed to be getting on the right track at last. After soundcheck, I cobbled together a new set of strings that I got from the incredibly helpful and polite production staff. Since this is Norway, and everyone tunes to E or D, the strings were waaaaaaay thinner than the guage we usually use (.013-.56), but the set that was on my guitar were really old and the fifth string had already broken several times, so just about anything was a step up. I ate my sandwich I had taken with me from the hotel's extensive (and delicious) breakfast buffet and headed to the hotel's workout room. By the time I was done there and showered, it was about 9 or so, and I got a call from the fest, very concerned that we were late for our signing session (which is weird in and of itself- we're an underground Death Metal / Grindcore band for cryin' out loud!). Yours truly apparently didn't read the one of the promoters' several dozen emails correctly, and thought it was going to be right around the time we played... whoops! The really embarrassing thing? We had to have a van come and pick us up at the hotel because every time we tried to walk to the venue (maybe half a mile away from the hotel) we got hopelessly lost – unless we were drunk, in which case we walked straight there and back with no problems. Wes and I hit the venue and met quite a few nice kids with shit to get signed and took some pictures with them, which was cool. Danny and Leon were already at the venue, but Leon's phone was off, so they missed the whole thing. Hoo boy... as I type this, I realize that we really gotta get it together.

At any rate, we quickly found the guys from some of our old tour buddies in Soilent Green, Today Is The Day, and Vomitory, and our beer problems were as good as solved. We were ready to rock at last. The room we were playing filled up quite nicely as Immortal wound down and we bashed out a surprisingly (to me anyway) tight and coherent set that went down really well. After exhorting the crowd with a typical “So Norway likes Death Metal, huh? - I don't think you fucking heard me, I said NORWAY LIKES DEATH METAL, RIGHT?!?!?”, I can confidently confirm that Norway does indeed like Death Metal. Heading back to the hotel we had more drinks with Steve Austin, Shane from Napalm (who told a wonderfully drunk and enthusiastic tale of receiving the Genocide demo in the mail on January 31^st, 1986, with Wehrmacht on the A-side of the cassette) and the Vomitory guys and Christine, and left the bar around 3 or 4, somewhat of an improvement from the previous night.

I was up early the next day to hit the breakfast buffet before splitting for London, where I ran into Horgh from Immortal (he had played drums for Hypocrisy when we toured with them several years ago) to congratulate him on a job well done the previous night and then got ready to fly out. This time we were a bit more ready than we had been leaving LA, and we met all of the Atheist guys, who we would spend the next 10 days on the road with.

The flight was short and sweet, and our work permits were properly filed and presented at customs, which makes a huge difference – the last time we visited the UK we were stuck in customs for almost 2 hours – so things we pretty much humming along. Our driver Mat, was there at the gate, on time to pick us up, we had all of our luggage and it seemed like things were coalescing nicely at last! We were even able to get some proper guitar strings and everything! The show went down really well, and I began to understand just how great Atheist are live- I literally hadn't seen them play since 1992. They executed their material flawlessly and demonstrated that technical, progressive Death Metal can still be aggressive, organic and powerful. We were recommended to hit a bar in town called the Crobar (yeah, I would've thought there'd be a “w” in there as well), as the show was over by 10:30 or some obscenely early hour. We got cabs and hit the bar – a true rock bar with a great juke box stocked with tons of Thin Lizzy, Rainbow, Morbid Angel, Autopsy, Kreator, Celtic Frost and much more killer shit. Beers were drained, friends were joined and made, including an American serviceman named Andrew (I think?), an old friend of Danny's named Niki, and a very helpful blonde who had an Exciter patch on her denim (my kind of girl, for sure!) whose name has completely escaped me. The party escalated from there – everyone except me left around 2am or so, and somehow or other I ended up in the office of the bar partying with the bar staff until about 5am. A lot of details as far as how things went down are fuzzy at this point. Shit, they were fuzzy the next day. I do remember doing a shot of something and instantly vomiting. That was pretty gnarly. Anyway, the cab I ended up in dropped me off at the wrong Travelodge, which I didn't realize until I tried my key in the door and it didn't work. That was interesting. Luckily, I was able to hail another cab and get to the right hotel (two of them on the same street) within a few minutes. I stumbled into the room as the sun was coming up for about an hour and a half of sleep before the van left for Germany.

This day was pretty much gone for me. I slept until about 6pm or so, when I finally emerged, crusty, cranky and very hungry and thirsty. Today's show paired our package with the excellent Macabre / Birdflesh / Rompeprop lineup, which was great. I joined the other guys and old friend Adde from Birdflesh / General Surgery just in time for dinner. Bruce Lamont (Yakuza, et al) was also on hand as he was on tour with Macabre. It was great to meet him and tell him in person how much I dug the Circle Of Animals record he did. If you like Ministry, Killing Joke, Godflesh, Pigface, God, Head Of David, etc., you should absolutely check it out. Anyway, back to dinner. We of course went to the wrong restaurant (our dinners were paid for by the venue at a place called Maze, and we went to someplace across the street) and ended up having to buy our dinner like idiots. We decided to hit Maze anyway and get our food to-go for after the show, a decision which would prove to be prudent. By the time we made it back to venue, I was feeling more or less human, and Rompeprop was just wrapping up a killer set. Birdflesh was next, and were as lethal and hilarious as ever. Macabre was beyond awesome, and it really hit home how psyched I am about our upcoming tour with them in the states and Canada. I always love playing Essen, not only because the kids there are awesome, but because it's the hometown of one of my very favorite bands, Kreator. The show was great that night, maybe the best of the whole trip. The kids were going fucking mental and we were loving every minute of it. After the show, I asked Adde “Was the set too gay?”, he smiled and responded “Just gay enough.” That's when I knew we were on the right track.

From there we hit Paris, a city I've been to many, many times. In fact, I even vacationed there (and you thought I had no culture!) so I was much more interested in sleeping than I was in taking in the sights. We did get out for a bit to try and find some new underwear and socks for our under-wardrobed drummer. The show went down all right, and I got to see my old buddy Malek Baali for a minute afterwards. We fully intended to go out and get shitfaced, but the need for dinner, high prices in the neighborhood and a lack of overall momentum kind of foiled us. Alas, tomorrow would be another day. And hopefully a drunker one. We headed east to the beautiful country of Switzerland. Of course, myself being a lunkhead of the highest order slept through the alps and only woke up once we were in Zurich itself. The thing that sticks out the most for me was that the beer we had here was probably the worst beer I've ever had in Europe – yes, it was worse than Kronenbourg. Luckily we had Jack Daniels. We all bunked in one room in a hostel, where Leon took matters into his own hands and bought some good beer for all present, and we proceeded to get hammered with the Atheist guys at the hotel. The next morning I took one of the least satisfying, but most overdue showers of my life. A quick trip through the well-stocked continental breakfast bar and it was off to Italy.

Again, I slept through some spectacular scenery, and awoke at the venue for load-in. One thing that will scare the hell out of you being in an underground band: A really huge venue. This place could have easily held 1200 people. That was a bit big for just us and Atheist. I was a little apprehensive about filling the place up to say the least. Our hotel was ridiculously nice as well – Wes and I had a suite all to ourselves with two king-size beds and a huge, jacuzzi tub. Danny and Leon's room was considerably more modest, but still pretty damn swanky. We got back to the club, checked out the usual array of bootleg merchandise you have to tolerate when playing Italy, and were relieved to see a lot of cars in the parking lot. The place wasn't full by any stretch of the imagination, but it definitely didn't look pathetically empty either. We hit the (huge) stage, had a good, well-received show and hung out with our old pal Marco from Brainwash. We went out to meet some of the kids after the Atheist set, and were amazed that they actually smelled worse than we did. That never happens! The next day I resolved to actually be awake for the drive through the alps.

To be continued... Hopefully the other guys will send me their pictures in time for pt. II so you can see some of the stupidity...